I have often thought that I should consider changing my name to “Tim.” It’s a short and simple name and I could be formal with it in the “Timothy” kind of way. It’s not hard to spell and pretty easy to say. It’s even a Biblical name, so people would respect me more (don’t think that’s really true, but I could use a little more respect sometimes). Tim has a good ring to it, and I really should think more seriously about it.
What does that have to do with a sock and a toe, you ask? Oh, it’s very important, and has many implications to the toe and sock story. You see, the reason I think I should change my name is to name myself after “Tim (The Tool-man) Taylor.” I’m more like him than I want to admit. I try ridiculous things and they can have a tendency to turn out worse than I expect. I usually think that most projects will take about ¼ of the time they actually end up taking, at twice the cost expected, with unexpected injuries (Do not. I mean DO NOT tell my wife I admitted that).
I have had some pretty good stories over the years and this is one that seems to be famous (within my huge circle of friends...), or so I have been told. Some of my ideas just haven't ended up being good ones. My fail is with not thinking through my ideas, in this story.
Several years ago, I was getting ready to go to bed and I had socks on that I was ready to remove. I am not a sock in the bed person - they just make your feet itch and get hot - I’m a free spirited foot guy. So I decided to remove them, but I was tired and didn’t want to sit or bend down to get them off. I figured they would just slide off if I pulled them and began to pull them off. The first one came off fine - I leaned against the wall, bent my leg up behind me, pulled the sock by the toe end and it just slipped off perfectly. I didn’t have to bend over and I was ready for sock number two.
I forget to tell you that, when I was doing this, I was in a walk-through closet (not a walk-in - we had a walk through from our laundry room to the master bath - way cool - should start a monster trend, just because of this post). In that closet there was a permanent shelf fixture that I kept my Bill Cosby sweaters in. You may be getting a good mental picture now and are probably forecasting the end result.
I went for sock number two (right foot, of course - look at this post - Toe and Bug's Bunny - both about my toe) and it got a little stuck. I figured I would pull a bit harder and it would slip right off - I was wrong. I had to pull substantially harder, but it finally gave way. I was not joyous though, because I didn’t figure on the spring action of my bent leg. It was like pumping a one pump BB gun 50 times. My leg was like one of those catapults on “Pumpkin’ Chunkin!’” My foot went down with an incredible force and my shelving unit didn’t move as my pinky toe exploded into it. I was about to cry (well maybe I cried a little)- the pain was intense and it was broken (not the shelf, my toe).
Now what? Do I go tell my wife? She would laugh hysterically and I would be more embarrassed than I already was. Do I go to the hospital? I would be in one of their internal hospital-wide emails for the most ridiculous emergency room visit. Do I sit there and weep for a while and hope that when I look down, that my toe is back to normal? I just stood there and put my hand on it, comforting the poor little thing. It was very sore, but I just had to go to bed and look forward to the morning. Poor little guy...
My fail in this, is not just the fact that it happened, it’s that I told my College Sunday school class the story the next morning. I didn’t think it was funny. I thought it was a prayer request that needed serious prayer and maybe some fasting, but my class just exploded into laughter at my demise. One person yelled out, while guffawing loudly, “Who takes their socks off like that?” Well, duh, I do...or I did.
Lessons Learned: Just can’t go there today - too painful.
BTW - that’s a very warm sock pictured above...and it's a freshly washed sock devoid of my foot - my foot is not shaped like a balloon.
BTW - that’s a very warm sock pictured above...and it's a freshly washed sock devoid of my foot - my foot is not shaped like a balloon.
Thoughts: Have you ever had a “Tim” moment?
